At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
