Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
