Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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