I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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