We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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