he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
