She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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