Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
