He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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