and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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