You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
