this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
