paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
