doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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