Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
