He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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