i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
