i just made my gag reflex go away.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
