dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
