i already hear my dad disowning me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
