I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
