we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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