His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
