I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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