A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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