you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
