i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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