I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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