pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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