So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
