Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
