He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
