Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize