You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize