Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
