I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize