hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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