We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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