like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
