In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need a beard to bite.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
