at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
