I am puke
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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