If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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