Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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