Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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