It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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