I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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