I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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