Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize