you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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