saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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