piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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