she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
