i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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