PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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