The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
