I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
