How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
