He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
