i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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