Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You need a sexual gate keeper
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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