could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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