White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
