My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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