I cut my penus on the lid.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
