Umm I'm too high to move.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
