We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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