as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
