Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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