I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize