you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
